In my continuing effort to promote female muscle throughout the universe, I had a chance to talk to a real astronaut, Charles O. Hobaught at the Arnold Sports Festival last week in Ohio. He was intrigued when I told him how concerned I was that there have not been any bodybuilder astronauts.

Space, I argued, may be the perfect environment in which to workout and achieve an ultimate symmetrical body. After a few quick phone calls I was invited to NASA (see photo below) to undergo training to see if I qualify to take a trip to the space station and test out my theory. Who knows? It may not be too far off when you too can have perfect Space Muscles.



The rumors started weeks ago and much to my delight came true as I watched my favorite, Neil Young, performing a solo "Long May You Run" on a spectacular set in front of millions closing out these Olympic games.This was my favorite Olympics ever, seeing the world's best athletes give everything they had for their countries. Bodybuilders and all competitors should take inspiration from this as we get ready for the Arnold Sports Festival 2010 this week in Ohio. See you there.

4. You have at least ten female muscle sites book marked on your computer.
 
5. You download photos of hard ripped female athletes.
 
6. In the gym you can spot a woman with big biceps within three seconds or less.
 
7. You know the names of at least fifteen current female athletes.
 
8. You have the phone number memorized of your favorite muscle phone line.
 
9. You get shy and flustered whenever a muscular woman simply says hello or acknowledges you.
 
10. You always wonder if a certain female is stronger than you are pound for pound.
 
11. You relish the thought of arm wrestling that muscular female next door.
 
12. You often fantasize about being pinned or put in a headlock.
 
13. When you join a gym, you always want the biggest female trainer to be your personal trainer.
 
14. You own female wrestling DVD's and have memorized clips from TV or movies of tough women in action.

15. You look in alternative newspapers, magazines and online for women who wrestle in your area.
 
16. You've gone as far as calling one of them.
 
17. You know every magazine on the newsstand dedicated to muscular women.
 
18. You dislike the Victoria's Secret Catalog.
 
19. You (at times) deny the fact that you are a female muscle fanatic.
 
20. You wonder whether every woman you meet has strong biceps.

Lori Braun

On my recent trip to the mountains of Morocco I felt sick and run down from the moment my plane landed in Africa.
By the third night I thought I might have to cancel my trip and return back to beautiful downtown Ho-Broken and get healthy when a miracle occurred.

After waking up in my tent up in the northern hills, I looked in the mirror and to my horror a giant spider was sitting on top of my head.
I ran screaming out to the camp and my guide Tongo grabbed the creature and tried to remove it, terrified of spiders. Apparently, the spider had lodged his fangs into my skull and was not going anywhere.

I was told I would have to wait till we got back to town and have it surgically removed when all of a sudden I realized something phenomenal. Not only was I no longer ill, but I felt like a teenager again. My vision was perfect and I felt more powerful than I had felt since training at Pumping Iron Gym.

Later that day I learned through local tribesmen that the venom in these rare spiders are use to cure the sick and give superhuman vitality to even the frailest person.

I decided to keep my new friend just where it was and since my return I have been a Wonder Woman at the gym. A real live amazon women!

I can bench three times what I used to and my endurance is legendary. Bodybuilders everywhere will want their very own GNAF Spider. I can help get you one.

Next time you see me don't be alarmed. Yes, it is a spider and I know it's there.