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Tuesday
Jun022009

The Singer Songwriter Single Mistress Song

[written by anonymous]

(sung to the tune of the twelve days of Christmas, roughly equivalent to the 12 weeks of summer)

ON the first weekend of summer my true love gave to me...a weekend in the coun-try........

On the second weekend of summer my true love gave to me, no hope for free time with he......

On the third weekend of summer my true love gave to me, his number while he's in Hun -gary

On the fourth weekend of summer my true love gave to me, the choice of a weekend with he..........

On the fifth weekend of summer my true love gave to me, 5 Unexpected GIG dates.....

4
rainy days, 3  family dinners, 2 schools to see, and a bridge lesson still to be seen........

On the sixth weekend of summer my true love gave to me, his itinerary with 'his boy' in Berklee

On the seventh weekend of summer my true love gave to me, a beach getaway in the rain........

On the eighth weekend of summer my true love gave to me, a ride to my dear old lonely mom.......

On the ninth weekend of summer my true love gave to me, the next two weeks with his family......

ON the tenth weekend of summer my true love gave to me, some afternoons that he could be free.......

On the eleventh weekend of summer my true love gave to me,  some toys to make his mistress hap-py......

ON the twelfth weekend of summer my true love gave to me..12 weeks of waiting, 11 toys a playin, 10 get outa jail cards, 9 absentee weekends, 8 rides to mom's house, 7 rainy weekends, 6 family updates, 5 unexpected gigs, 4 choice of dates, 3 foreign codes, 2 trying conditions, and a weekend in the count-try

Tuesday
Jun022009

Meet the Happy Action Candy Squad

(HACS) video bloggers... watch video


Episode One - Pilot
"Terms of Derangement"

Filmed on location in Las Vegas. Meet the characters, watch them drink.
Episode Two
"Hilarity Ensues, then Fades"
Beware of enormous cowboy heads.
Episode Three
"Pancho Villa vs. the Tennesee Titans"
Kind of like "Basic Instinct" meets "Fraggle Rock", but with the panache of "Wheel of Fortune"
Episode Four
"Flaggle, the Erotic Newt "

Lick her like a porkchop.

 

Thursday
May282009

Tazzie Colomb video

Thursday
May282009

Feet and what they are telling you.

Ever have a slight pain in your foot, joints or even toes, and simply ignored it? You're not alone. A 2009 survey by the American Podiatric Medical Association showed that 36 percent of respondents reported severe foot pain that hampered their daily functioning. Unfortunately, 30 percent of people don't pay attention to foot symptoms, or even pain caused by our shoes, according to the APMA. In fact, certain forms of chronic foot pain may be indicative of a looming health issue.

girlsgotfeet.com

Lori's foot and toe gallery

Arthritis

Arthritis is a very common foot ailment, which affects the joints in the ankles and middle of the toes and can cause the sole of the foot to feel tingly or numb. Considering there are a variety of arthritis types, it's important to see a doctor. "Osteoarthritis is a common wear and tear, and treated with medication," notes Morris R. Morin, D.P.M., Chairman of Podiatry, Hackensack University Medical Center. "Other types of arthritis can be very devastating, like rheumatoid arthritis where the bones continue to move." A physician needs to diagnose the specific type of arthritis for treatment. For instance, rheumatoid arthritis impacts the entire body. Once it's diagnosed in the foot, the ailment may be identified and treated elsewhere in the body, too.

Click to read more ...

Tuesday
May262009

Sonia Sotomayor Joins the "Supremes"


President Obama nominates Judge Sonia Sotomayor to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Here's to another strong and powerful woman put into position on
the highest court in our country.

Maybe she will do talklive for me, she looks pretty tough.


Friday
May222009

I need more money...wanna rob a bank?

Ok here's the plan, we dress like rich old ladies. I'll push you in a wheel chair...we go to the loan officer and ask to open a bank account. Just then you make believe you feel faint, and I ask the manager to call 911.

(This gun is not loaded. I hope.)

 

At the same time Chris says "Didn't you f**kin' hear what I said? Give me all the f***ing money before I blow my brains out." The teller presses the secret button, but, as she gets ready to hand Chris the money, he says "oh f.... it' and blows his brains out.

Not a great plan, we'll have to keep him from shooting himself.

Friday
May222009

A good reason to get married 


Conversation with Mom...

ring...ring...ring


Lori: Mom! Want to go back to Hawaii?

Mom: Sure, I'd love to.....why?

Lori: I'm getting married!

Mom: Wow....to whom?

Lori: Dagwood of course. He found my cd case!!!!

Mom: What? What happened?

Lori: Well, I told him if he found my Conchords cd case I'd marry him. And he found it!!


Mom: Is that the only reason?

Lori: No. No. There's other reasons, lots of them....... I just don't remember them right now.

Mom: So the main reason is a cd case?

Lori: It's really cool. It has little cartoons of Jamane and Bret on it...I really missed it.

Mom: I guess that is important.

Lori: Sometimes I set it up on the table when we go out to eat.

Mom: Is your brother going?

Lori: Sure! All our friends and family that want to go will be there, we already talked about it.

Mom: Sounds like fun. When?

Lori: Soon... As soon as The Conchords are finished touring...We're trying to get them to play for us on the beach. Besides, I think I'm pregnant.

Mom: Well, you must be excited.

Lori: Are you kidding mom?....The Conchords!!!! I can't wait to see them again.

Mom: When you remember, do you think you can tell me the other reasons your getting married?

Lori: Sure mom. I'll call Dagwood now and ask him...I'll email you later.

Mom: Ok, don't forget.

Lori: I won't mom. talk to you later....Love you.

Mom: Love you too.

Lori: CONCHORDS!!!! AWESOME!!!!

Lori: One more thing mom. My new name would be Lori Bumstead Braun.

click

 

Thursday
May212009

New rules for interim boyfriends 

Sent to me by a good friend.

My guy came over with his eager pokey member last night and pawed me until I could take it any more.

I was hot, but like temperature hot.

 New rules.

1. No taking viagra without permission

2. Bring a newspaper if shopping bores you

3. Bring credit card, p#%#y is expensive

4. If all you can think of every weekend is a movie, then once a month, you have to buy broadway tickets or concert tickets.

5. No talking about your kids without equal time for stories about fluffy and ted ted, my cats.

Wednesday
May202009

Brooklyn hits the streets 

A street fair brings out the best in a community. Free music for everyone, singing and dancing,
and a opportunity for people from all over to see a new area.

No. It's not the deep fried Oreos that brought me out to yet another fair this weekend.
In the past few weeks I have been to a few fairs in Jersey (no creepy clowns here).
This one was different.

It was in Brooklyn. Park Slope.


The look, the feel, and, most importantly, the people made up this seemingly endless stretch of street festival a New York special event.

The music stages on each end provided great entertainment for everyone.
The Acapella group above entertained the crowds like it has for decades.
Roasted corn, Sangria, Guacamole, Sushi, and Saki made up the diet this day.

The green machine

The dogs and kitties too were here, happy to be in the mix.
Bubble machines, painted faces and green hair ruled the day for the kids.
Yes, these were the same streets I walked many years ago.
This place was different back then, but the feel is the same.
I walked till my feet bled.
Then I walked some more.

There's no place on earth like Brooklyn.

Tuesday
May192009

BIG BEER 

The simple mixture of water grains and hops is very intersting combination.
It is not just the beer itself.

What intrigues me is the many ways you can drink it.
Wine is completly different. It really only works in a wine glass,
but beer can be drank in just about anything.

From plastic cups to gigantic steins, with beer there are no rules.
With beer it always seems that bigger is better.
"would you like the 20, 30, or 50 oz size?" the bartender asks.
She says most everyone gets the big one, and why not?


I have tried giant bottles of Russian beer at Coney Island.
Quart mugs during the super bowl.
Huge pitchers of beer at a fair.
I've even drank from a 2 litre glass boot German style.
Ticki, tocki, ticki, tocki, oy oy oy they all shout.

I don't care what some say.
Size does matter... with beer.
It is always good to have a little extra, just in case.

Tuesday
May192009

Bodybuilders run from drug testers but can't hide

BRUSSELS – Ready to flex their pecs and strike a pose, bodybuilders at the Belgian championships scattered when doping officials showed up.

After a spate of positive doping tests in recent years in Belgium, the event had been moved across the Dutch border to Vlissingen for the weekend competition.

"They must have felt safe out there," doping official Hans Cooman told the Associated Press on Monday.

But Cooman and two colleagues got the necessary papers to check the tournament in the Netherlands. And when they identified themselves just before the event — with the 20 bodybuilders weighing in and preparing themselves — the testers drew quite a response.

The bodybuilders got up and left, preferring to quit rather than submit to doping tests. Some grabbed their gear and headed straight out the door.

"They must have been flabbergasted," Cooman said.

Bodybuilders usually take months to prepare for such championships, yet the sight of controllers was too much for them.

"I have never seen anything like it and hope never to see anything like it again," Cooman said.

Click to read more ...

Monday
May182009

Vintage Biceps

A few of the great ones. click for photo gallery

Lenda Murray

Laura Carvell

Chris Lydon

Saturday
May162009

Saved by Her Own Rock-Hard Abs

Finally another reason to work your abs besides just looking good. They are possible life savers.

Abdominal Exercises

As if you need another reason to feel guilty for avoiding the gym, a British woman's life was recently saved by her own washboard abs.



Brit Peggy Williams, 47, was paragliding in Spain when a freak gust of wind flung her off her starting point and dragged her across some incredibly rocky terrain. Since her wing was partially inflated, her body was scraping against the rocks, but since she has such a smokin' hot bod, docs say her six-pack acted like a shield. Peggy has a torn liver and nearly severed pancreas, but she would have died if her abs o' steel hadn't provided an additional layer of protection.

Peggy says that in addition to running twice a week, she only does 45 sit-ups a day -- a "one-minute regime." There's an important lesson to be learned here, guys: Never go paragliding. Link

 

click here for Training Tips 

Friday
May152009

Joanne McCartney

Joanne's photo gallery

Check out these retro bodybuilding photos and have a great weekend.

Thursday
May142009

Toothpick Training Diet 

With all the diet fads and exercise equipment and weight loss foods out there I figured there has to be a better approach.

Last weekend I started to experiment with my very latest invention in diet coercion.
Toothpick Training. Or T2 as I affectionately call it.
The idea is simple and very inexpensive.
All you need is a nice sharp toothpick available at any restaurant.

Trainer Lori Braun


The toothpick is perfect. Easily concealable and ready at a moments notice.
Armed with your knowledge of healthy foods you simply shadow your victim, er, I mean dieter throughout his or her day. As their eyes wander to unhealthy or fattening foods on a menu or in a store you simply thrust the toothpick into them.


A nice sharp one can easily penetrate a few layers of clothing into their flesh.
You would be surprised how quickly people can be trained to avoid the bake shop and burger joints.

 

Everyone has their own sensitive spot, and after a little experimenting you will find it. Whether it be the back of the neck or midsection. My favorite is right in the side. A gentle reminder of where the fat would have landed.


For obvious reasons make sure you use a fresh toothpick on each student. Blood transfer is not healthy.
With a little practice anyone can be a toothpick ninja. You can too!

Wednesday
May132009

Tickle for your health

If you tickle someone, they laugh. If they tickle you, you laugh. If you try it on yourself, nothing happens. Why?

According to "How Things Work" we can not tickle ourselves. Why can't you tickle yourself?
It would be great if we could. It could solve many problems.
Instead of hours of therapy, drugs or trying to find other ways to beat depression and get cheered up we could just tickle.

Anytime, anyplace, anywhere.
Then your instantly in a good mood.
Laughter has been proven to be the best medicine in many way.

Thirty minutes a day can actually lead to a longer life.


There is a way, however that scientists have proven you CAN tickle yourself, by using a tickle robot and a remote.

Contrary to scientific research, I have discovered in my extensive travels someone who can actually tickle themselves and laugh. In the far off recesses of southern New England from the rare minority known as "redheads" there is actually someone who can make himself giggle.
Maybe he can teach his technique to the rest of mankind and help us all lead a happier, healthier, non robot aided life.

Tuesday
May122009

Alexis del Lago: Jackie was not a man or a woman

The fabulous Alexis Del Lago in a deleted scene from "Superstar in a Housedress" telling a story about working with Jackie Curtis in "Americka Cleopatra", which also starred Harvey Fierstein in drag as Jackie's mother.
http://www.jackiecurtis.com/

Monday
May112009

C'mon! We need more holidays! 

Summer is coming and with summer comes many of our holidays. Mother's and Father's Day,  July 4th, Memorial Day, Labor Day just to name a few. However, it still does not seem like enough.

So in our infinite wisdom, we decided to hijack other holidays of the world.

I believe we the only country that celebrates other countries festive days.
Desperate for more holidays we have decided to take them from other lands. From their accomplishments. Then we change them to suit us.


St. Patricks Day, Cinco de Mayo, Mardi Gras, Octoberfest etc.
We don't get time off from work for these. So why bother.
Most people do not know what they are celebrating anyway.

 It seems that every holiday we take over we turn it into a "see how drunk I can get" day.
They do not dress up like leprechauns and drink on St. Patrick's day in Ireland. It is a religious day.

 

I guess Americans love their holidays. Even if they have to steal them.
You never know. Some other countries may do the same as us.
Maybe last Feburary 12th there were a bunch of drunken Peruvian college kids in South America passed out in a alley with fake beards and top hats on....
...after celebrating Lincoln's birthday.

Friday
May082009

No more boob jobs at Disney

Disney Parks stops scanning for topless riders on Space Mountain, Tower of Terror and others


ANAHEIM, Calif. - Disney says it will no longer scan riders on Splash Mountain and three other rides for guests who feel the need to flash their breasts for souvenir photos.

Disney confirmed Tuesday that it has reassigned employees at Disneyland and Disney's California Adventure who watched for breast-baring riders because "actual inappropriate behaviors by guests are rare."

Disneyland spokeswoman Suzi Brown says the changes took effect Sunday at Splash Mountain, Tower of Terror, Space Mountain and California Screamin'.

Riders are photographed on the attractions and can then buy souvenir copies. Some have exposed their breasts in hopes that the picture would make it onto a photo preview screen at the ride's exit.

The company began the screening about 10 years ago. link

Thursday
May072009

The warrior fitness 

" Predator" training and shooting


This looks like a fun new workout.

norco1989 comments:

Wow, these people are dumb. Whose idea was it to spray a bunch of water beside a door with a treadmill inches away. Do they want to see how much electricity the guy can take? And good job shooting a paintball gun outdoors while no one else is wearing eye protection LA FINEST at its best I see. Holy s#@t some people are so dumb.