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Tuesday
Dec152009

TIGER, SAY UNCLE! 

As we have seen, Tiger Woods has shown little discrimination in choosing women to satisfy his sexual appetite. His interests varied from young cocktail waitresses to a mature Florida mistress. From one night stands, to several year relationships, the only thing being the same was that they were all white. Now it has come to light that while he was nearly unbeatable on the golf course, in the bedroom is where his domination ended.

With the emergence of girl number 15, female bodybuilder Vera Lynn, Tiger is now known to be a fan of strong, muscular and commanding women too. "He's been a regular of Talklive for sometime now" said a spokeswoman for FemaleMuscle, the worlds largest female bodybuilding site. "He has even been know to call from a golf tournament and goes by the name Tony." It has also been learned that Tiger's handlers have arranged several wrestling matches between him and some of the top female bodybuilders in the world, where the men rarely get the upper hand. When questioned about the female bodybuilders on Talklive, his response was "They're grrreat!"

 

Monday
Dec142009

Bending over backwards for Mother Earth 

With concerns mounting at the upcoming Global Warming summit the mayor of Copenhagen, Ritt BJerregaard, has urged delegates not to buy sex from the legal prostitutes in town.

So, the crafty sex workers have come up with a trick of their own. Don't buy it. The sex is FREE. Just show your summit ID badge and your good time is on us, literally. "We will not be screwed out our perfectly legal job" said Susanne Moller, spokeswoman for the workers interest group "and if you happen to also be a bodybuilder we will throw in a massage". It looks like things will be heating up in Denmark this week. One way or another.

Global-warming summiteers have been told it's uncool to buy hookers, but prostitutes have turned a trick of their own: heating up the atmosphere in Copenhagen by offering free sex to delegates.

Click to read more ...

Monday
Dec072009

MANster Heaven 

Remember when you were a kid how jealous you were over what a great life your pet hamster had. All that food and cardboard to eat, water galore, a wheel of endless exercise, cats and children to play with and best of all he can poop on the floor. Now, thanks to the French that life can be yours. For a mere $150 you can get a hotel room with all the comforts of a rodent cage with enough sawdust on the floor to satisfy the inner hamster in all of us. With all this time and energy on their hands by not getting involved in any wars next on the Frenchmen's list is the Ant Farm room, the Cockroach Hotel and lastly, the Rat Room, which is a exact duplicate of the 33rd street subway station.

This is also a excercise wheel for bodybuilders out there.

(Warning: The video below contains a grown French man with a hamster hat running on a man-sized hamster wheel.)

Here’s a rough English translation of the first part of the video:

“It’s the possibility in 18 square meters to live an incredible experience, which is to live in a hamster’s skin. So living in the skin of a hamster, what does that mean? It means being able to put on the head of a hamster. It’s being able to eat grains like a hamster … We all know the hamster has a water bottle … You get on all fours to get to the nest like a hamster … The idea is really to live an experience, but with all the comforts of a … microwave, George who serves you coffee. Everything is here, there’s just the added ambiance of a cage and the sensation of a hamster when, for example, he runs in his hamster wheel, which is pretty funny…”

In Nantes, France, you can live in a hamster hotel.

Click to read more ...

Wednesday
Dec022009

Vive la France!

Yesterday, French IFBB Pro bodybuilder, Maryse Manios stopped by the Shemuscle Gym for a very sexy workout shoot. Maryse Manios is on her way to compete in a few days at the Tampa Pro Show. She is known for her huge biceps and crazy vascularity, she had veins on her abs that I have never seen before. Bonne chance Maryse!

Brian Moss

shemuscle photos

 

Tuesday
Dec012009

Balloonacy 

Apparently, some of this years Macy parade balloons were being stored in the same warehouse as confiscated steroid laced supplements to be used as evidence in a upcoming bodybuilding trial.

Accidental cross contamination yeilded these startling results.
Although spectators marveled at the size of this years entrants, there was a creepiness that some thought was just not normal.

Macy's parade balloons: Through the decades

Monday
Nov302009

Piano stairs workout

All of us can get distracted during the holidays from our healthy habits, however it is no time to slack off.
Try to employ some exercise into your holiday routine in the weeks ahead.


Hit the gym before you go out shopping.
Take the stairs as often as you can.
Buy all your giant gifts early and carry them around all day to work those pecs and shoulders. (secret bodybuilding workout tip)
Maybe even chase some random little kids around the mall for twenty minutes or so to get some cardio in. Every little bit helps and in the end you will feel better about yourself. Happy Shopping.

Tuesday
Nov032009

Far-Out Pharmacology

I originally thought that LSD meant Lori's Sleep Deprived, since I haven't slept in 27 years.

However, I recently found out that a number of people are taking the drug LSD in order to help with their anorexia or anxiety issues. Wow, maybe that's why the 60's had so much less stress and no anorexia. Maybe that is the reason some of the most famous bodybuilders were born right around that psychedelic time. Funny how everything always gets recycled from the past, TV shows, movies, fashion, now drugs.

Scientists study possible health benefits of LSD and ecstasy

Growing number of people taking psychedelic drugs to help them cope with conditions such as chronic anxiety attacks

A growing number of people are taking LSD and other psychedelic drugs such as cannabis and ecstasy to help them cope with a variety of conditions including anorexia nervosa, cluster headaches and chronic anxiety attacks.

Click to read more ...

Monday
Nov022009

Matsui pumpkin head makes Yankees win.

I carved a Matsui pumpkin to celebrate his awesome world series on Halloween eve.

 

Saturday
Oct312009

Happy Halloween

Warning: If you get scared easily, watch this with your eyes closed.

Lori Braun

Saturday
Oct312009

Trick Or Treat from Old Greg. Do you think I'm sexy?

Yule Tide greetings from Old Greg. Make sure you drink your Bailey's.

Don't end up like Curly Jefferson and a Happy Halloween!

 

Wednesday
Oct282009

I bought economy bottle of wine

But then I couldn't tell if I had more than two glasses (my limit) so I had to pour six glasses out to check.

So now I have five glasses with wine and I poured a little off each one to have a little more than two glasses. Anyway, just goes to show what I'm up against, home alone and dangerous.

Thank god for Fuzzy my fat ass cat!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Think I'll go to the gym.

anonymous.

 

Tuesday
Oct272009

TalkLive Profile “Sam” Extension 955

We recruited “Sam” from the Lower East Side of Manhattan. She is a very, and strong, female bodybuilder and wrestler.

Here is a brief blurb that Sam emailed to us yesterday:

Talk live now!  Dial 800.222.3539

 

My name is Sam, short for Samantha. But there is nothing short about me. I am rather like a yellow haired Amazon, almost six feet tall. When I walk down the street I stop traffic. Strangers offer me marriage proposals and motorcycle rides which I sometimes accept because I have an adventuresome spirit. Being a “fly by the seat of my pants” type of girl can get me into some trouble but I can always get myself out with the help of my muscles. I like being ripped and cut. I am friendly by nature but my body is dangerous. Once I was hanging out with a girlfriend and a guy got fresh fresh with her. I said, “Hey lay off her!” He didn’t so I laid into him, threw him over my shoulder and slammed him onto the ground. That is when I realized some men like it rough. After this incident this guy tracked me down to give me a dozen red roses. I’m a sucker for flowers and a sucker for all types of men. I just love them all.


Give her a call.

 

Friday
Oct232009

Be Kind, you can't rewind

Eat junk, drink booze, smoke anything, lay in the sun and look like crap later.

Study of identical twins reveals how habits like smoking and tanning can dramatically age skin

"The beginning of my partying days in Montauk at Ciro's"

A new study of a female bodybuilder shows the dramatic effect bad habits such as smoking, sun exposure and yo-yo dieting can have on our looks.

"Years of partying has finally taken it's toll on me"

Sun exposure, smoking, alcohol intake and stress levels all have an impact on appearance and how old you look, according to new research published in Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery and reported in Allure magazine. Some sets of identical twins were found to look almost a decade apart in age.

Click to read more ...

Wednesday
Oct142009

Skip the gym and go shop

With federal investigations still underway of some of the largest bodybuilder websites selling steroid laced supplements, people in search of that perfect body have turned to other methods. Just out on the market is the Super Squeeze Suit.

This Titanium woven body sock can take someone with any body size and shape and squeeze the fat into the right places for an amazing look. The whole suit when removed is only the size of a Barbie doll outfit so it easily fits in your pocket to don at a moments notice.

So, goodbye steroids, goodbye gym.....hello KFC.

Wednesday
Oct142009

Amber & Roxie, Lift & Carry  


Shemuscle new photo gallery coming soon

Bodybuilder Amber Deluca carries Roxie Rain around the room like she is a little doll.

Tuesday
Oct132009

Piranha pedicures! Get 'em while you can 

Desparate spas that are now looking at the imposing ban on their fish pedicure treatments are trying to find new ways to use their thousands of hungry fishies. Some of their options are:

Selling them to sushi restaurants for a new dish. The fish are very plump from eating the feet of the fat lazy Americans and some female bodybuilders.

Selling them to plumbers to eat the dead skin and body dander in shower drains.

Giving them away to the patrons after the treatment so the people can freeze them and save their DNA for the future.

As always, the spas are open to any and all suggestions that can help their livelihood......Lori

Blue toes, pink roses and fish feet gallery

 

A big fashion fad may soon be sleeping with the fishes.

Barely a year after the fish-pedicure phenomenon arrived from Asia, an influential state lawmaker has crafted a bill to ban the treatment.

The legislation from state Sen. Jeffrey Klein (D-Bronx) would make New York the 15th state to deem unsanitary the practice of using scores of hungry little carp to suck dead skin from the feet of beauty seekers.

"Sometimes, people might think that something sounds cool, 'It's trendy. Let me try it,' " said Klein, who plans to unveil the legislation at a news conference today.

Click to read more ...

Saturday
Oct102009

McA.D.D.

Here is the new exercise video just released by McDonalds. If done three times a day, it will allow you to eat one happy meal and not gain any weight. This craze has already hit the hard core bodybuilding gyms from Boise to the Balkans.

Monday
Oct052009

A marriage made in heaven...so gross

Beef patty, bacon and cheese on Krispy Kreme donut.

Talk about a heart-stopper.

The donut burger - a bacon cheeseburger with a buttered Krispy Kreme glazed donut standing in for a bun - is becoming a hit on the fair circuit and among some far-out foodies.

Amusingly, the heart-stopping sandwich was sold just outside the Springfield agricultural fair's "Better Living Center."

Click to read more ...

Friday
Oct022009

If I could talk to the animals

Cats express themselves in many ways. Some may even talk.

These poor kitties got into their owner's tanted bodybuilding suppliments.

Monday
Sep212009

Let's make an app out of logging my s#*tty battery time.

Apple's support team has started contacting some customers who reported their battery problem to AppleCare, according to the enthusiast site and Apple's own forums. AppleCare is apparently asking customers to enable battery-life logging on the iPhone and then sync the logs to a computer. AppleCare is then asking customers to send in the logs, so it can try to figure out what's causing the issue. 

Link