Hall monitor

From hundreds of Englishmen drinking at 7 a.m. and watching soccer to bar brawls and beyond, Hoboken is a very odd upscale community.

 

Last night I was settled inside my apartment simultaneously reading a book and doing Heath Ledger searches.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

Everything was quiet. Suddenly, very loud yelling in my $3,500 per month hallway.  I ran to my door opened the peep hole.  I could see the outline of an extremely short,  good looking, "very" Italian,  Jersey sounding guy apparently screaming at some girl on his cell as he pounded on an adjacent apartment door.

 

At first, I bolted my door loudly to see if he would notice that there were other people in the world/building (sleeping children) that he might be disturbing.  Screaming guy thought it was his woman bolting her door and began yelling at her on his cell outside her door saying "I know you are in there. I just heard you bolt the door and lock me out." The yelling continued and got increasingly louder.

 

Next, his girlfriend (I assume) said  that she was in the elevator. What? So, for 10 more minutes she apparently tried to explain to him that she was in "an elevator"

Finally, I heard a women's voice and ran back to the peep hole only to hear more fighting, cursing and now I can see a woman crying. She sounded like a drunken child who was going to be beaten by her father for coming home late.  She was shit faced.

 

 

I could not take any more of this yelling and crying (worried he was going to hit her).  I opened the door in my PJ's and ran outside.  I expected to see a petite youg woman being bullied by a big, albeit short, guy. Instead it was a giant woman, at least  6 foot tall, lying on the floor crying with her makeup dripping down her face like the Joker. Her stuff was scattered about her while her tiny boyfriend screamed at her loudly and cruelly as he balanced himself on crutches.

 

Ferocious bodybuilder that I am, I told her to get up and helped her get her stuff off the floor and back into her bag. Her boyfriend stopped yelling at her. He just stood there speechless and looking very innocent as I stared at him. Finally she stood up. She had to be at  over 6'2 in heels.

 

Poor giant, drunk, girl. They both stumbled back into her (their) apartment as I was giving them orders to get out of the hallway. My last words to them before going back to my computer:

 

"Drink some water and go to bed. You should feel better in the morning!"

 

I knew, however, that their morning would be a nasty one.

Comments

[Tanuki]

$3500 a month for rent! My take-home after taxes and deductions is $3100. You really are out of my league in so many ways. That's why I love you Lori, you're a big step up for me! 8D

[Tanuki]

Almost forgot to ask--who's that cute girl on the carpet in the green shirt? Is that you?

[Lori Victoria Braun]

No silly. That is not me on the floor with my brown wig on. She was cute....and very tall. Like a giant.

[Alan]

That girl on the floor is a pig. Her boyfriend should have beat the crap out of her. Slut.

[Lisa]

You're the pig Alan. What the freak is wrong with you?
I am sure you never drank too before.
Nazi jerk.

[Alan]

Hey Lisa,
Is that you on the floor looking like you just puked? One of your friends maybe.

Women like you should be locked up in cages so their husbands or boyfriends know where they are every second of the day. Let you loose and look what happens.

[Violet]

Alan...you are a Nazi pig.
I am a female bodybuilder/wrestler, 17 inch biceps......
Training for over 10 years.
Want to come over to my house for dinner one night?
Just the two of us...alone.

[Tanuki]

Now THIS is what I call a blog!

[Kitsune]

I can see how this would conform to your idea of a blog, Tanuki, as ego-centric as you are.

[Arnold Ziffel]

I hope you all realize that not ALL pigs are Nazis. Not all pigs mistreat their significant others, either. I'm not insulted at all!

[Marinka]

Arnold,
True all pigs are not Nazis. Not all men are pigs.
This guy in Lori's building and Alan are both pigs though and I will be right there with Violet to kick his sorry butt. So Alan come out from hiding and let's set up a time where we can teach how to behave.

[Alan]

Marinka,
I heard you look like a troll.
An ugly, fat, hairy, troll. Sounds like you.

Alan

[Sherman]

I see the trolls are out in full force. Too bad some of these losers could only get a girl like that if she was passed out.

[Poppa Zitt]

where's the outage?

[Schmegeggy]

I couldn't get a girl like that even if she WAS passed out!

[Brandy Alexander]

Let's make a film about cheerleaders beating up Nazis!

[Erica H]

I like that idea. How about a film staring massive, female bodybuilding, cheerleaders who beat up Nazis by wrestling them into submission and dominating them until they cry like tiny babies and dump and wet their pants.

[Brandy Alexander]

Can you picture Rene Toney in a cheerleader's outfit? They could start by beating up the football team. When they'd finished, they'd head for the bleachers and take on the whole damn crowd. Massive Bodybuilding Cheerleaders Gone Wild! Heads would crack, blood would spill. Everyone will cry--(maybe some will laugh too). Amy Heckerling, if you're reading this, please let us know what you think!

[Adam]

The webmaster drops out of it for a couple of days and the trolls come out in force! Wow...

I would love to see Alan take on a couple of the ladies -

Adam

[mr X]

Violet - 17 inch biceps... ha ha no way :P

Well I think that Alan has some kind right. If that girl let this guy treat her like a slut... Maybe she is.