Christmas Day

House is still a total mess. Everything is cooked, including me. The dog is wearing a halo and cast so he does not finish chewing his foot off. Have 5 hours before 25 people show up at the door hungry and ready to party. House stil in shambles. Presents now wrapped, I need a drink. Luckily I have candy shot glasses ready to be filled with my favorite 100 proof grain alcohol. This is why my father eats a turkey sandwich for Thanksgiving and leaves the country in late December. Maybe it is time I follow his lead. Three hours and counting. I call all my friends to wish them a Merry Christmas and happy holiday. No one answers and no one returns my call. Still I smile and hope that my "Gone to I-Hop" signs do not scare the guests away.

As I start to get dressed,  I realize that I have no outfit to wear. I forgot that Florida is scalding hot in December and only have packed sweaters, boots and hats. I panic. Throw all clothes from suitcase and drawers on thed floor. I find a tiny summer dress with a budha on it. Just perfect. I add my cowboy boots and holiday tree broach. This is as ready as I will ever be, ready to greet my guests. I hear cars pull up in the driveway. My hair is still wet hanging like a rat sucked on it. This is going to be a good Christmas. I am hoping Santa brings me a new life.

There was more food then we could eat and everyone took home 10 pounds of delicous Christmas feast. I guess that is a good thing. Turns out everyone enjoyed themselves more then I ever expected. My family believes I started a new holiday tradition and I will be hosting Christmas each year for the rest of my life. Fat chance.