DICK and JANE at Pumping Iron
Monday, January 29, 2007 at 19:14 I just left my fancy gym here in Hoboken. I have a new routine where I am circuit training and have to constantly move around the gym quickly to different machines. The faces and the bodies here in Hoboken just are not the same as my 90's bodybuilding gym in Manhattan, which was aptly named "Pumping Iron Gym." It was a no nonsense gym, its members ranged from black and latino men and women from Spanish and lower Harlem to Twyla Tharp , Gregory Hines, Bill Murray, Sigorney Weaver,John F. Kennedy, Jr., and many more famous people It is still there, up on East 91st Street, right across from the NYPD precinct. I have yet to find any character or characters in the predominantly white bread world where I now train.
After I finished my new routine, I began my aerobics and my mind began to wander back to my salad days at Pumping Iron. So many stories, way too much fun. I have a clear vision of working out one day next to, let's call her, JANE, who was then a leading Ms. Olympia competitor. Her boyfriend, "DICK", one of the top trainers in Pumping Iron and New York City, was also there training a client. These two had an emotionally charged relationship, and it often spilled out onto the gym floor to the sometimes horror and amusement of the members of this bodybuilding "club."
On this particular day, DICK was gently flirting with a female bodybuilder who was also a trainer at Pumping Iron. I was good friends with her and I had my radar scanning knowing that something interesting was about to go down. DICK and the flirtee were in their own world. I have no idea whether he knew JANE was on the gym floor. JANE stormed over to the couple, testosterone raging (not a normal anger for sure).
"What the f**k are you doing?"
"What the f**k are you doing?"
"What the f**k are you doing?"
As JANE'S finger was pointed inches from DICK'S face, I saw her massive biceps, triceps, pecs, and her neck bulging and ready to blow. Her blood was really surging, JANE getting angrier and angrier by the second. DICK remained quiet, the other girl backed off, both desperately trying to avoid a scene. The silent treatment apparently was not the reaction JANE was looking for, maybe she wanted an argument, a fight, an apology, who knows what.
In a blink of an eye I saw JANE head off to the leg press machine, where the Pumping Iron staff had meticulously arranged 25 pound plates on a rack for easy and quick access. Indeed. As easily as hurling popcorn at your date in a movie theatre, JANE began hurling 25 pound plates at DICK in a jealous rage with very little effort. We all were agape, frozen in a dual fear of getting hit in the head with a very heavy flying frisbee and having JANE'S anger turn towards us. The plates clanged everywhere, smashing into machines, mirrors, walls, and rolling to a stop by hitting people's feet as each plate spiraled out of control.
The gym owner, an ex-detective with a tough DeNiro demeanor, bolted out onto the gym floor, his chest barrelled out, knowing that he had to do something quickly. He was always ready for the inappropriate outbursts that the steroid abusers constantly caused. He grabbed JANE'S 18 inch biceps and told her to cut the shit in my gym, another outburst and you will never step foot in my gym again, and I do not give a f**k who you are. And then, as quickly as it started, it ended. Plates were re-racked by the little wannabe bodybuilding oompalumpas who worked there combing the floors to keep things perfectly organized and pristine, just the way "DeNiro" liked it. A little shrug and we all went back to our workouts.
Damn I miss those days. Here in my Ho-bacon gym it is like Dawn of the Dead. I do not know what makes the chemistry of a place, why Pumping Iron had a fierce edge that I have never seen before or since, and from which I thrived and grew as a bodybuilder and a person. Any one of the gym members here would have turned into Humpty Dumpty and smashed into a million pieces out of fear if present at my DICK and JANE story. At Pumping Iron I worked out with women and men, some crazy, but most very interesting. Anyway....
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