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I seem to be getting impatient and/or missing my friends back home. The last couple of days have been so strange. I found a store in the mall where you can buy really stupid stuff and also candy. I looked around and choose a bunch of things that reminded me of my days as a kid in Brooklyn. The same exact items drew my attention as they did in Flatbush. For instance, Horror Blood Safe, but not suitable for children under 3 years of age, I think because they will eat it and when it drips out of the corners of their little mouths, will scare the crap out of their parents, plus, it cannot be healthy to ingest a  Drano like substance.

 I also also purchased the Doggie Doo, Who Dunnit, Dirty Face soap, [it looks white but washes DIRTY], and  A Whoopee Cushion. When anyone sits down it emits a real Bronx cheer. Warning "Do Not Inflate Too Heavily".  Lastly, a fake cigarette that looks real. I hate cigarettes like the plague. The end looks like a real light up cig. I have managed to use all of my pranks on poor Joe and trick him each time. I thought he would catch on to my practical jokes eventually and stop reacting, but he did not, which was so great. It kept me laughing way too hard all week and I peed in my pants a few times. It happens.

How I tricked him was simple. Doggie Doo I put in the bed on a pillow and told him that the dogs must have lost control of themselves and left him a turd as a present. How sweet of them. They do adore him. He was very upset by this. I quickly grabbed it out of his hand before he flushed it down the toilet stuffing it up costing mucho money for a plumber, and daintily put it in my mouth. Joe almost puked at this site, which I can understand. Then I threw it on the floor and Scooter puppy began to chew on it. That grossed Joe out even more. It just got worse and worse looking at it from his side thinking I was some sort of lunatic laughing so hard I was now crying, serious tears rolling down my face.

[Ronald and me at the Arnold Classic last year. I have always been attracted to clowns even though they scare me to death. Subconsciously I must want to be one. We even look alike]

The Horror Blood I dripped out of my eyes and nose. I walked around the house like this for a while before he noticed I was profusely bleeding from almost every part of my face. He finally grabbed me and put me in the bathroom straight to a mirror to look at myself. "Look can't you feel the blood dripping all over your face. What happened, did you fall or hit your face into the door?"  "Maybe I caught the Ebola virus, I do not think it is contagious." Again I ruined it by laughing my ass off. He was shocked and told me I was sick and twisted. Still I kept laughing harder and harder with each inhale even though I felt sort of badly about my behavior. Is this how a girlfriend should be acting to her lovely boyfriend? Maybe I need help.
 

Still I kept going. Next was Dirty Face, that was easy. I told him that his hands smelled horribly, just awful, awful and he really needed to wash them now, right now. He immediately grabbed the bar of soap. Damn it, the wrong bar of soap. I quickly told him not that soap. It does not smell as good as the new ivory snow white bar that I put out for him.  His hands immediately began to turn black with disgusting black foam and sludge. Last was the Whoopee Cushion and the fake but real looking cigarette. He was watching TV. Watching some movie about dogs that save some guy from freezing to death in the snow. He was into it and focused. It was difficult to get his attention here. I sat down hard on Mr. Whoopee and made a very loud noise/blast that sounded more then real. I did it a few times before he looked right into my eyes disgusted by me and told me I had a serious problem. Hinting that I should go and use the toilet at once. Still it was just not bothering him as much as I wanted.  I then took a book of matches and pretended to light up my fake cigarette. He has never seen me smoke one  and became extremely annoyed with me especially when I innocently pretended to put the fake cig out on his arm. All in good fun I thought. Joe now thinks I am gross, sick, twisted and slightly bent/sadistic.

It is time to go home. I am not sure since I am never sure of anything, but I think he will be relieved when I get on the airplane heading north. Life back to normal. Here I was trying my best to create precious moments between us so we can one day say "hey, remember when?"  I envision us both laughing together reliving the romantic past we have shared. The truth is, I will probably be laughing solo at my perverse and bizarre jokes. Ummmmm...maybe I am a tiny bit immature for my age. Just a tiny bit.