Ocean Blues
Thursday, March 30, 2006 at 03:30 
The Mall of America Cruise. My best friend went on a cruise this week. I really wanted to go along, but I could not. This was her first email to me about her vacation. So, what do you think. Did I miss a great time? Apparently, she is not having such a wonderful time. See for yourself.
Sing to the theme song of Love Story:
Where do I begin to tell the story of how wrong a cruise can be....the sad vacation story of a trip not meant to be....la la la de de....We start with Joe putting too much luggage in the back of the town car,. while the chinese driver is muttering 'assholes' under his breath in cantonese. He continues to murmur as we hit a major standstill at 34th St. all the way to 55th, Pier 90. He didn't realize it would be an hour to go a few miles, but Joe would have killed him if he just let us out in the middle of traffic. When we got inside the pier, it was like being at a concert, no chance of finding your group if you get separated. They herded us into different corrals, with seats, so we wouldn't be standing in a line of 2500 passengers. Good idea. It only took sitting in the corral a few minutes to realize NO ONE spent time worrying about getting their botox or last trip to the gym before boarding this ship. There should be a sign:
d
entures optional
Youngish people abandon all hope,
Anorexics not allowed
Be careful where you plant your cane
Keeps tabs on grandma...she's drooling
Joe said he knows the answer to "Whatever happened to Baby Jane?" She was sitting in front of us with whitish gold hair, white ghostly makeup and deep red lipstick...aaaagh. And she was looking over Paul and Joe. Nyaaagh as Curly would say.
We boarded and went to our respective cabins...my Mom and I have a cute little room with a window, tv, good hair dryer, very nice. Plenty of room. They even have room for one more (bunk bed). Paul sleeps in the bunk bed in their windowless cabin, which I think is cruel since he's the one with the bad hip. But I think he was worried about having Joe fall on him!!!. Anyway Joe snores like 'all three stooges at once' so Paul has to take heavy drugs to sleep. 
I think I'm the only single woman in her 50's or 40's who doesn't wear XL or XXL. Unfortunately, the same can be said for the men. All the cute ones are married or gay....whadda surprise!!!! To be continued...PS Paul is still hopeful, it's sad. : (
[I thought it would have been a blast!]
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(I'm getting such a kick out of this. Please keep reporting!)