08.21.2004:An Ode to Michael Phelps from Lori Braun

It's just a stinky rat
I like when they get fat
I eat them once
I kill them with a baseball bat
I don't have the heart to rip out his spleen
If I did I would spend some time in the slammer
and I'm not ready for that scene
It is such a waste to watch him just sit on his fat face
Now take a look at what I'm talking about regarding this race.

I wish I could swim like that Mike Phelps guy
never thought a mother f**ker could fly straight from the Baltimore sky
Thought it was all just hype
but you know he could bend you like a pathetic rusty pipe
He is like a dolphin with flippers that I wish I could buy
Name your price I'll have a piece of that pie

Now he's one of the few who are too good and have nothing to prove
Once he's in his groove, it's move over Thorpepdo I'm just not gonna lose
He's listening to Eminem just before his swim
Slim just jumps in and then wins one more gold
Damn that water looks cold

You are from the U.S. you are so so freaking bold never gonna fold
They said he was a loser when he lost for a bronze
But guess what, he is even cooler then the fonz
We are so harsh on a 19 year old guy with long arms like a monkey
Now we all love him again cause he just is so damn charming and hunky

I know the deal when it comes to who you like and to whom you appeal
It's not about the races you idiots it's so in your faces
Let's just watch the man race and go at his own pace
Be real now and be happy for him
for he is the best he is on a quest
Put it to rest if you have nothing to say you twinky pest
Now all you can talk about his fine sexy style, power and zest.
Now go win some more golds
You are are the hottest not only the best

LVB
lori@femalemuscle.com